is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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