I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize