Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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