i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
