we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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