I want you more than these girls want KFC
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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