Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Houston, we have a squirter
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
