Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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