I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
