I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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