I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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