her vagine was all disorganized.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
operation harelip BJ is a go
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
