Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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