How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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