I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
