they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
