Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
