I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
