I could have mohawked her pubes.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
