So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
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I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
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He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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