I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
