Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
