Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
