Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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