So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
