peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she pinky promised me she was 18
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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