You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
