i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
