Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
