Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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