Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
