i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
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I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
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I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".