Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.