theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
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Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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