I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?