so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
3 2 1 whiskey
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...