i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.