I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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