so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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