I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
