I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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