I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
