My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
