That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
