I hope mine doesn't look like that
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
