I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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