Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
