I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I could make wine with my vomit
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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