I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
where am i from again
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
