I feel great
I just peed on a car
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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