my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
