This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
