so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
