im drinking this country out of the recession.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
