i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?