he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that