ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.