i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dating After Heartbreak
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?