He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm like, not good at living.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
