ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
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Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi