At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.