he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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