What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
