I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize