Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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