Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
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Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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