Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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