Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
