I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
