Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
It's official drugs can't kill me
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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