Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
