It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
